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How to Cut Your Husband’s Hair

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The comprehensive, step-by-step guide to giving your husband the best haircut of his life (well the free-est haircut, anyway!)

Step One:  Marry someone very trusting and VERY motivated to save money.

Step Two: Decide to go on a big vacation for which you need to save as much money as possible, causing you to become much more brave with your cost-cutting endeavors.

Step Three: Try to resist the sad, puppy dog face of a man with shaggy hair who tells you: “I feel so embarrassed about how long my hair is – I’ll probably get fired for looking sloppy…….oh well.”

Step Four: Finally give in to your husband’s request when he basically demands a hair cut right now – “I know you will do a good job – just do it!”

Step Five: Put husband out on deck in lovely designer smock so as not to get your floors all hairy.  Watch as he poses angrily at the mirror, cursing his long hair.


 Step Six: Hem-haw around for  quite some time looking for gray hairs and remarking about how thick his hair is while you build up the nerve to make that fateful first run through with the clippers.  (Also, if desired, keep stopping to take pictures of yourself pretending to cut hair for documentation purposes.)


 Step Seven: Just mow through that garden of hair and don’t be shy.  That is what the guard is for!  Admire your accomplishments and get ready to do the detail work.


 Step Eight: Trim sideburns, even out any “rough” patches, and violently shake out those millions of scratchy hairs from your t-shirt.  Pack up and come inside before it gets dark.

Step Nine: Let your husband take a shower and style his new do.

Step Ten: Accept the showers of compliments your husband gives you on a job well done (it does, afterall look just like the cut he gets at the mall for $20) and make him pose for pictures one last time!



3 responses »

  1. Kim,

    Awesome article! I see Haircuts For Dummies book deal in your future. I can’t wait to try these steps out on Kelli. Wish me luck.
    If injures occur during said event aren’t you now liable – I didn’t catch any warnings in your article.


  2. Your steps are not working for me. It looks great!

  3. Randy looks like Ron from Harry Potter in the picture of him pretending to be mad. haha


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