Today is a day I have been anxiously awaiting for a while now. It dawned on me a couple of months ago that 2009 was sort of a disaster of a year for me, and that I couldn’t wait to leave it behind. Part of the reason I let my health go, to some extent, during the last couple of months was because I felt completely defeated by 2009 and gave up, hoping to start fresh in 2010. It seemed like a good reason to eat cookies for breakfast and nap on the couch rather than go to the gym. The year could simply not be salvaged.
Far and away, 2009 has been my worst year ever. It claimed four babies from Randy and me, it brought us financial hardships in the form of high medical bills and temporarily reduced wages, it ravaged extended family with health problems. I know several other people who have had similar years and also just want to forget 2009 – write it off. And as much as we can’t see it as anything but a waste – a dark cloud over our timelines – there are plenty of people out there who had the best year of their lives in 2009. Wonderful things happened to them and they will cherish the memories of this year forever. It’s funny how impossible that seems to me – perspective is a strong force.
Stronger still is the desire to find some good in the last year – to assuage my guilt for complaining, knowing that so many had it so much worse than I did. That my troubles are a drop in the ocean compared to probably most of the people on the planet. There are things to be thankful for: Randy and I managed to hold on to our jobs despite the rough economy. All of our immediate family made it through the year safe and sound. Even through financial hardship we were able to pay our medical bills, keep our house, and even go on a couple trips. Our marriage is stronger than ever and a consistent source of comfort and joy to us both.
Despite our good fortune in those areas, it is hard not to dwell on the bad. So it was only fitting that I ended up saying my final goodbye (or good riddance) to 2009 through tears. Here’s hoping for a brighter 2010.