Two Week Wait Day 6: Sunday, February 27, 2011
Yesterday was bad. I was nothing but nervous all day long. Today started out very promising – I woke up with a can-do attitude. I made French Toast. I marveled at nature and felt like I could do ANYTHING. And then without warning, the worries struck. So I thought it would be a fun exercise to list all the different, sometimes ridiculous worries that go through a person’s mind during the two week wait, when the crazy level gets turned WAY up.
A Sampling of Worries:
- Water flushes things out of your system. If I drink a lot of water, will I flush out the embryos?
- If I laugh too hard, will the vibrations dislodge the embryos?
- If I cough too hard, will the vibrations dislodge the embryos?
- What if that 12 pack of Coke and gallon of milk I just lifted were too much weight all at once?
- Did I wait too long between taking my doses of progesterone?
- Is my abdomen getting too hot with the dog laying on it? The nurse said no heating pads – she is like a living heating pad.
- I was having a lot of breast tenderness and now its gone. Its all over! There’s no hope!
- I need to dye my hair. Can I dye my hair? Better not – fumes.
- My head hurts. Is this a normal headache or one of my classic PMS mondo-headaches?
- I cried yesterday – I hope the emotional stress didn’t ruin my cycle. I know I just read the study that found that stress had no impact on the outcome of an IVF cycle but still….
- I feel some twinges of cramping. Maybe its a pregnancy sign. Or maybe its PMS. 😦
- My temperature is too high – the embryos are burning alive.
- My temperature dipped down to normal for the first time since the transfer. Maybe the higher temp was a good thing and this dip means its all over!
- I’m surrounded by so much support right now and its really keeping me going, but…. what if this cycle fails? I will disappoint everyone and they won’t like me anymore. They won’t care about me like they do now because I won’t be interesting anymore – I’ll just go back to being bitter and sad and no fun to be around.
Suffice to say, my brain is a messed up place right now and I have to give a hand to the people who are on the front lines every day, trying to help me sort out the crazy. Randy is my superhero – he managed to get me up and out of the house yesterday for a date and he coordinated us working together to actually accomplish something in between worries – this custom quilt for a loyal customer.
Note: This pic was taken in the elegant surroundings of Randy’s cube at work with our broken camera, so no judgment on the less than stellar quality, please 🙂
Also, Randy: cleaned the entire house, changed the cat litter, went through Mt. Mail and organized it, cleaned out the fridge, went grocery shopping where he bought us some Samoas :), made dinner for tonight AND a casserole for tomorrow’s dinner, washed our sheets and re-clothed the bed, took care of Zipper’s every need, washed-folded-put away about 5 loads of laundry, AND took apart my camera to see if he could fix it (Note: do not take apart your digital camera – turns out there are bajillions of tiny screws and microscopic parts that you can barely pick up, much less screw back into place. Randy was able to use his patience and attention to detail to get everything back where it belonged but I don’t think many people would. The camera needs SERIOUS professional help.) And he probably did about 10 other things I’m forgetting right now. I don’t know how I was so lucky as to find my Randy, but I’m thankful for him every second of every day. And he doesn’t laugh at my crazy worries. 🙂