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Category Archives: Random Fun

Listen Carefully

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Best office conversation ever today in the kitchen/break room:

Me – I heard a story on the radio today about people deciding whether to circumsize their baby boys.

Kara – My nephew is circumsized.

T – My son is circumsized – he healed really quickly.

Enter A, a sweet, mild-mannered young woman I don’t know extremely well.

A – What are you guys talking about? A begins making her oatmeal.

Kara – Penises!

A – God, that sounds good!

Kara, T, and I look at each other. Did she just say that? A continues to make her oatmeal as though she had just asked about the weather. She looks up and sees our surprised faces.

A – Didn’t you say pizza?

 

Wii Can’t Blog Right Now…

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Thank You for Visiting The Spotted Elephant.

Randii and Kimmii can’t come to the computer right now. For Christmas, they got each other a Wii, mostly for its Netflix instant streaming capability. But they’ve since been sucked in by such game titles as: Donkey Kong Country Returns, Wii Bowling, Wii Resorts Swordplay, Classic Super Mario Brothers 2 & 3, Classic Sega Dreamcast Sonic the Hedgehog, and Simpsons Hit and Run. They will return to the blog when they have either defeated the evil banana-stealing villains of Donkey Kong land, or when the bright colors on the TV finally burn out their retinas. If you need immediate assistance, please contact any of the blogs listed on the right-hand side of this page for blogging sustenance.

1st Percentile

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If you know me, you know that I always strive for number 1 in everything I do, and my recent test scores reflect that. As a part of my official job duties I recently went undercover (well not really undercover but it sounds cooler) with Kara to take a test to receive the National Career Readiness Certificate. We thought the test might be useful for screening new applicants for our apprentice program but wanted to take the test on a test drive ourselves to see what we thought of it. We both aced the academic portions, receiving 7 out of a possible 7 on most assessments.

Along with the academic portion of the test, there was a personality assessment meant to determine what careers you are best suited for and what your employee attitude will be like. It measured things like trustworthiness, attention to detail, persistence, goodwill, and optimism. And since I’m a fan of instant gratification (an attribute not measured by this test) I was pleased to find out that we got a print out of our results to take home with us. I would like to share with you what my personality looks like on paper:

Yes – I got a 1 in optimism. And a 6 in discipline and a 7 in goodwill. But those numbers aren’t rankings, they’re percentiles. Which means that to get a 1 in optimism, you have to score lower on those questions than a full 99% of people who took the test. Essentially, 99% of the population is more optimistic than I am. And don’t expect much Christmas cheer or benevolence from me because, apparently, goodwill is not my strong suit either. Just for comparison purposes, I submit for evidence Kara’s personality results. She didn’t receive lower than a 70 percentile on any of the categories. I believe she got a 94 in optimism. In my defense, I was in a bad mood the morning of the test -but I don’t know if that mood can account for the entire 99% of pessimism or 93% of badwill that makes up my personality. 🙂

My favorite thing about the optimism score has been the reactions of my friends and family upon hearing about it.

Kara remarked: “Well no offense, but I’m not really that surprised….”

Randy has taken to calling me his little 1 Percentile and asking if Miss 1 Percentile needs a hug.

My Dad immediately said: “Oh – yeeah, that’s my fault. You get that from me.”

So watch out, world. A pessimistic, no-goodwill-having, undisciplined and unstable (that part got cut off in the picture) person is out on the loose. 🙂 Okay NCRC, I’ll give you the optimism business and we can chalk the lack of good will up to PMS on testing day, but my question is this: if a person who has been married for 8.5 years and working in the same job for almost 9 years isn’t stable and disciplined, who is?

Soapy: Photo #362

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My new “Egyptian Cotton” air fresheners smell like cheap dish soap.

Blackened Rings: Photo #343

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The waitress tried to convince me that the onion rings were not burned – the batter had just gotten wet so they only looked burned, but tasted fine. I didn’t believe it but also didn’t have the energy to argue so I waited until she left and took this picture – another in a long list of irate pictures I collect with the intention of sending them to the customer service divisions of whatever establishment happens to be sucking at the time. But lo and behold, the waitress was right. They tasted completely fine. So let the record show, that Frisches did not serve me burned onion rings.

Pepper Problem: Photo #330

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Kara has a problem.  A pepper problem.  I counted at least 12 packets going into her soup today.  I hope she seeks help at some point.

Luck: Photo #322

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